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I have a soft spot in my heart for sophisticated Mary Jane heels like this, and when I saw the reviews this shoe was getting I knew I had to post.
“Single, greatest pair of shoes EVER!” said one woman who “bought them on a whim;” another reviewer said the heel height was “perfect, complimentary, and comfortable.” Yes please!
Patent leather shoes can be a bit controversial for the office, but I think these work — particularly for the holiday season.
I’m picturing them in bordeaux, but they’re also available in black, emerald, and a goldish velvet — Nordstrom is down to lucky sizes in some of the colors, unfortunately.
The shoes are $350, and available in sizes 6-11; you can find them at Nordstrom and Bruno Magli.
Looking for something similar? There aren’t a ton that I know of — Manolo Blahnik has had this heeled Mary Jane for years, and Jennifer Chamandii has some cute styles now. In terms of affordable options that are less than $350, Amazon also has a “limited time sale” on these SJP by Sarah Jessica Parker Mary Jane pumps, and these Kurt Geiger pumps are only $150 at Dillards. If you prefer block heels, M.Gemi has a Mary-Jane, and if you prefer wedges, Theory has some Mary Jane wedges.
Workwear sales of note for 11.28.23
Our favorites are in bold!
- Nordstrom – Black Friday deals have started! 1,800+ sale items! Shop designer, get bonus notes up to $1200. Markdowns include big deals on UGG, Natori, Barefoot Dreams, Marc Fisher LTD, Vionic and more!
- Anine Bing – Sale, extra 20% off! Many blazers down around $250
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your purchase
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase, including cashmere; up to 60% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 60% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- ba&sh – Up to 50% off Fall/Winter styles
- Bergdorf Goodman – Extra 30% off select sale, save up to 70% off
- Club Monaco – 25% off almost everything
- Cole Haan – Up to 60% off almost everything plus extra 10% off (ends tonight 11/29)
- Express – 40% off everything
- Her Room – Up to 50% off 1000s of items
- Hugo Boss – Up to 40% off women’s & exclusives
- J.Crew – 50% off everything + free shipping
- Kule – Up to 40% off, $50 off when you spend $250
- Lands’ End – 50% off sitewide (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – Free shipping, 60% off 2+ styles or 50% off 1
- Lo & Sons – Up to 70% off; spend $100, get an extra 10% off wallets – reader favorites include this laptop tote, this backpack, and this crossbody
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide with code (ends 11/29)
- Summersalt – 30% off everything plus extra $10 off sweaters with code; up to 60% off (this reader favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 50% off all markdowns and 30% off entire site — readers love this cashmere boatneck and this cashmere cardigan, as well as their sweater blazers in general
- Theory – Cold weather essentials up to 40% off
- Theory Outlet – up to 80% off sweaters and outerwear – readers love this t-shirt
- Uniqlo – Limited time deals starting at $14.90 (ends 11/30)
- Universal Standard – Enjoy 30% off everything (as a minimum) + extra 10% off
- White House Black Market – Up to 60% off sale styles
- Zappos – Early Black Friday sale! Save BIG on footwear, clothing, bags and more. Daily Deals 50% off, and check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid- and Family-Related Sales
- BabyJogger – 25% off 3 items
- Crate & Kids – Up to 50% off everything plus free shipping sitewide; save 10% off full price items
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 50% off everything + free shipping
- ErgoBaby – 40% off Omni Breeze Carrier, 25% off Evolve 3-in-1 bouncer, $100 off Metro+Stroller
- Graco – Up to 30% off car seats
- Nordstrom – Big deals on CRANE BABY, Petunia Pickle Bottom, TWELVElittle and Posh Peanut
- Strolleria – 25% off Wonderfold wagons, and additional deals on dadada, Cybex, and Peg Perego
- Walmart – Savings on Maxi-Cosi car seats, adventure wagons, rocker recliners, security cameras and more!
Kate R
I’ve had a really hard 2023. In a lot of ways, this year felt weirder and harder than 2020. I’d like some advice for how to “start fresh” or maybe “start more positive” in 2024. I know the calendar turning is just another day, I’ve never been big on holidays or NYE, but this year I really feel like I could use a reset and things that could help me believe things can/will be better in 2024. I saw this AM that other folks on this board have had tough years, too. I’d love suggestions from anyone (preferably free/low-cost ideas).
Anonymous
I’ve always physical shifts can create good mental shifts – cut your hair, get new glasses frames, move your furniture, get new bedding. Something that changes you out of your norm.
Anon
What about a ritual. At the start of the new year, Jews go to a body of water and throw breadcrumbs into the water as a symbol for throwing away sins. I am not that observant. Instead, I have written down things I want to leave behind in the old year and thrown the scraps of paper in the water. This is just one example, but going somewhere you don’t usually go and engaging in a ritual (even one you make up) that you don’t usually do might provide some “break” between the years.
Anon
+1, one of my favorite Jewish traditions.
Mantra Magic
I feel you on the tough year. One thing I’ve done on NYE and other times (and want to do again now that I’m reminded of it) is make a list of all the things I want to leave behind and burn it. So satisfying.
anon
One of my friends hosted a bonfire in 2021 in which we all burned our frustrations from 2020. So cathartic!
Pompom
We did that in 2016 and it was what we needed.
Anon
I responded to that thread earlier and the two things that help me the most are getting outside every single day and reading every single day. Getting outside is important for mental and physical health and reading helps me escape from the stressors for a while. When I’m outside, the most beneficial activities are those with some risk requiring focus/concentration (namely mountain biking). They help in a way that things like walking and yoga don’t.
anon
+1 to mountain biking. There’s something about strenuous exercise when you have to pay attention all the time that is really good for my mind. I get bored in yoga.
anon
On Jan. 1, pull everything out of your pantry and purge all the 2023 expiration dates. Spices, baking supplies, random cans – everything. Same goes for the fridge. Something about throwing out (literally) the bad year always makes me feel better.
Mantra Magic
I like this idea!
DC Pandas
I love doing the following at new years to cultivate more introspective thinking, some of these may be a bit oo-woo for folks on this board:
-tarot card reading at home (https://bookshop.org/p/books/woodland-wardens-a-52-card-oracle-deck-guidebook-jessica-roux/17284741?ean=9781524871345)
-power thought cards (I pick out cards that I’m drawn to)
-guided meditations
-long walk in the woods or somewhere natural and quiet
-passion planner free downloads: passion roadmap, end of the year reflection
DC Pandas
Also tell your friends about your aspirations and intentions. There is power in numbers!
CK
Tell me about these power thought cards please!
IL
When things get overwhelming, I have to start writing out a plan in order to function. I have been using an unmarked weekly planner like this: https://www.shinola.com/home/planners-calendars/7-52-weekly-planner-pad.html Because it is undated, I don’t have weeks of empty pages that make me feel guilty if I fall out of the habit of writing things down. I just start again on the very next page.
I also take the same approach with personal planning. I try to pick one irregular thing I need to do around the house and do it in addition to my workday. Yesterday I cut up the leftover pumpkin cheesecake into individually wrapped slices and froze them for later. It wasn’t profound but my life feels a little less chaotic this morning and that’s a win. And more often these days, I just focus on the small wins.
JTM
I start my year making a vision board and including the things I want to focus on in the next year. For this year’s board, I put things like growing my career, expanding my relationships with my friends & family, and making time for exercise. I place it in a spot where I see it often and it helps me stay motivated to keep working on those things.
I also try to take the time to journal about what has gone well and what hasn’t – having some time to be introspective & process everything helps me start fresh.
Anon
I do this on paper. I pick seven things to focus on for the year. They can be large or small, easy or hard. I write out the goal and then a paragraph or two about “why” and “how”. I check in on them occasionally during the year and make notes on a non-judgmental, honest assessment for each of them. It might be “doing good”, “I’m terrible at this”, “Turns out this is dumb and I quit”, or “I need to work harder on this”. Or whatever. I don’t use the goals as some sort measure of myself but just to focus on what needs attention. There is no failing, just an ongoing assessment.
Anon
I had a really terrible 2008. I worked for one of THOSE companies, so my job was precarious, my mom almost died from a post-surgical case of sepsis, my son was diagnosed with a life-changing chronic illness, I came down with a bad shingles outbreak in a very painful area, and I thought we were going to have to sell our house at a loss & move so I did a very hasty, extremely disruptive and expensive kitchen remodel in the middle of all of that.
My new year’s toast was “Goodbye 2008, and don’t let the door hit your @ss on the way out!” Said repeatedly.
Every year since then, I’ve had bad times but I’ve always been able to say “at least it’s not as bad as 2008.”
Anon
I’m so sorry it’s been a tough year. Along with other suggestions (exercise, rituals, purging old stuff), try taking a class. Being a beginner at anything can be really energizing, and community centers, local colleges, etc are places to learn a language, pottery, cooking skills, woodworking — anything!
Mantra Magic
Great point! I’m taking an improv class in January and I’m so excited about it!
Anonymous
I do a whole house deep clean the week between Xmas and New Years. For me it’s kind of a way to clean out the old year and shift my mental focus to the coming year.
I don’t set myself up to believe things will be better, though. I set myself up to believe that whatever happens, good or bad, I will find a way through it, and since I’ve survived some pretty tough years I know it’s true.
Author Wannabe
I know we have a few authors on the board! I just submitted my first query to an agent. I’ve been tinkering with my novel for the last year and a half and finally decided I need to put myself out there.
I know this is typically a long road paved in rejection, but for now, I’m very proud of myself!
Anon
Congrats!! That’s a huge accomplishment.
Mantra Magic
Congratulations! On long journeys like this I am a big believer in celebrating all the milestones!
california writer
Congrats and thank you for sharing this! I’m many months out from doing the same and it’s really encouraging to see your post.
Anon
That’s awesome! I so admire people who write books. I think it’s such an accomplishment.
anon
That’s so exciting! Yay you! Please keep us posted.
emeralds
Congratulations! We’ll all be cheering for you :)
Anon
Just want to say that if you’ve written a book you ARE an author :) You’re trying to get published, but you’re already an author. Good luck to you & please keep us updated on how it goes!
Anon
Fwiw, I bought and returned the SJP version of these as the most uncomfortable shoe ever. It was a lot higher though (4+ inches v3) so I’ll give these a try.
Anon
These would be sittin’ shoes for me. They’re very pretty but I couldn’t walk a city block in them.
Anonymous
I realized this morning some of my neighbors have 3-4 garbage bins outside on garbage day… we only have one! I honestly can’t imagine what they’re throwing away on that regular of a basis. This wasn’t even a morning where recycling bins were outside, just garbage. I’m legitimately curious: if you feel like you throw away a lot of stuff, what are you throwing away?!
Anon
We have downsized our bin & it has been great. We are really careful about composting and recycling (lucky enough to have curbside yard waste/composting bins) and that really reduces our trash footprint. My city doesn’t allow multiple bins unless you’re an apartment complex/triplex kind of thing anyway.
But I had friends over this weekend and they threw everything in the trash! I was picking out cans (the can bin is right next to the trash bin and it’s very clear what it is) and cardboard and, to the degree I could, compostable stuff. Some people are just not concerned with it. My friends are not horrible people overall, they wouldn’t be my friends if they were! But they do not give a rat’s ass about recycling. I’m all in.
I even have a recycling bin upstairs to recycle skincare/bodycare bottles & jars.
anon
Composting really cuts down our trash. We signed up for a 5 gallon/week compost bucket and it feels like it has cut our actual trash volume in half. Haven’t figured out how, but there is definitely something to it.
Anon
My city’s bin default sizes, from largest to smallest, are : Compost/yard waste, Recycling, Trash. You can get another compost bin for free but if you want a larger trash bin, there’s quite an upcharge.
Love the message that sends.
all over anon
Our municipality introduced source sorting of garbage last year, and it has been a revelation. We throw out very little compostable or residual waste, an enormous amounts of plastic, and a fair bit of cardboard and paper.
Anon
I’d like to come sit by you!
My neighborhood is mostly older couples, and a few middle aged people like me. No one seems to generate more than a bag or two each week.
We had a family move in down the street who put a seriously insane amount of trash out every single week. Like the amount you have the first week you move, but for an entire year. They also didn’t request more cans from the city and would instead pile all the bags out on the curb the night before. So then animals would rip open the bags and strew it everywhere. I eventually started calling it the trash house and my partner would get so mad at me. I know families with a couple of kids will have more trash than us, but it was so much. There were paper bowls/plates, paper towels, old food, takeout boxes, then also just packaging from online orders and things like that. Also old toys and clothing sometimes. They never used their recycle bin, so it was that stuff, and I guess never took anything to goodwill or other thrift stores.
A new family has moved in (with multiple children), and they always have what seems like a normal amount for a family.
Anyway, I can only report what I saw in the torn open bags of my neighbors. Even though my partner thought I was so nosey for noticing, it was hard not to when it was so out of the norm.
NaoNao
Used paper towels, food scraps, cat litter (in a separate bag!), plastic packaging that can’t be recycled (like the cling film sealing the neck of a contact lens solution), fast food bags, clorox wipes, dust from the dustbuster, paper receipts from the store, junk mail catalogs or flyers—to be frank, our apartment complex (and I think city!) doesn’t have free or supported recycling that I can find or figure out **no one** recycles in our complex. The theory/story is that the city sorts it out but I strongly doubt that. So honestly we’re throwing away a lot of possibly-recyclable stuff which I don’t like but I can’t figure out another way. I’m not keeping used water bottles and pizza boxes in my house or on my porch and driving to the recycling center once a week on my own!
Anon
Food waste and food packaging. One I had kids, the trash went up very quickly, mainly food. We hand down clothes and then give the servicable ones away. We have a lot of Craigslist wood furniture. We go through a lot of paper working out upper-level math problems. But it’s mainly related to feeding 4 people daily (and a large dog). When they are on vacation, we often need two roll-out bins because the first gets too full.
Anon
This sounds bizarre – I wonder where you live that they don’t have curbside recycling?!
Anonymous
Our neighbors with a ton of trash seem to eat only take-out meals.
Anon
I could not believe how fast we filled up our bins while WFH during the pandemic. I think the issue was that we were just seeing so much more of the waste we were always producing (but that was being thrown out elsewhere while out and about during the day). So for example, preparing all meals at home led to so, so much food packaging waste (and take out is even worse!).
Anon
This is us, family of 5 and a dog.
Anon
We are a family of five and don’t even fill one medium can a week. But we recycle paper/glass/plastic, cloth diaper, use reusable napkins and rags, and compost all our food scraps. Honestly it feels like such a small amount of work for the impact it makes in keeping our trash down.
But a lot of people maybe don’t care or have the bandwidth…I’m sure diapers and all sorts of disposable cleaning/paper products take up a lot of space. Also, food waste.
But yah, I have all sorts of thoughts about towering garbage cans on the regular. Our last town had twice weekly pickup, and still people were complaining their cans were big enough (and they were big).
Anonymous
Lots of people don’t use dishes anymore – every meal, snack, and drink all day long is in paper plates, cups, and utensils. As you’d imagine the trash piles up fast. I only realized this in the last year or two as I have multiple cousins who live like this – all with a good number of kids, so it’s a lot of trash. I understand it from the point of view of no one doing dishes, but I don’t necessarily understand how it’s better to be spending money on paper plates and taking out trash non stop.
Anonymous
I can see how that would save a lot of domestic disputes about who’s turn it is to do the dishes or unload them! I just feel like eating off of paper plates is so sad…
I’m the OP — we have 2 kids 9 and 12, and my husband and I work from home.. I eat Lean Cuisine way too often… and we’re still just doing one bin. We are pretty good about recycling though (it drives me nuts on car trips because my husband will hold onto cans and bottles until we can recycle them while I just throw them away asap to keep the car clean), and we just got a compost bin. We live in the suburbs where there aren’t a lot of interesting takeout places beyond pizza, so you’d think I’d see the pizza boxes on the curb too…
Anon
I am sure that is true of a lot of families, but I’m still horrified to read it!
Anonymous
I’ve seen the same re paper everything. IDK to me that isn’t adult living, it’s college dorm living. I understand no one WANTS to do dishes or unload the dishwasher but IDK I also think that’s life. I grew up in a home where that chore was divided amongst the family so everyone was unloading the dishwasher x number of nights per week – starting by mid to late elementary school. Yet in my peer group, I definitely know people who take the approach of – oh no I’d never want to burden my 6th grader with the dishwasher 2 times per week. So apparently mileage varies.
Other problem is we live up north – it is cold no matter how much you turn up your heat. Maybe it’s just me but I find that when I put my dinner on paper plates it is cold in 5 min even if it came off the stove steaming.
Anon
What is wrong with people! JFC
Eager Beaver
I used to live in a municipality that didn’t charge a montly residintial trash fee. Instead, you had to purchase special trash bags, and the trash truck only picked those up. The bags were not cheap, and it really encouraged recycling and limiting trash. I honestly don’t know how it worked for places with communal trash. I assume there was a fee for trash pick-up for those places, which was passed on to residents.
Anonymous
My mom just moved to a new municipality where the town itself handles your trash service. They offer four different size wheelie bins, and you pay quarterly based on what size bin you select. The price for what I’d call the “standard big suburban roll-out” was eye-watering. It’ll train you to think about what you throw out real quick! The town has programs in place to encourage recycling of everything, composting, and swaps.
Anon
I don’t honestly encounter any situations where I have a choice over what to throw out (what am I supposed to do… keep all my trash?).
Anon
You can switch to reusable products, recycle, compost, donate…throwing things in the trash is the path of least resistance
Anon
I mean, reduce, reuse, recycle? That’s the idea.
Anon
I guess I’m already maxed out since I only throw away trash (not recyclables or things that could be reused). If I’m just getting rid of something, it doesn’t go into the trash.
Anon
There are tons of people who don’t even make that level of effort, as this post demonstrates!
Anonymous
are they doing things like putting boxes in the trash can or bag without breaking them down?
Anon
This. Bins fill up fast if you get a lot of boxes and don’t bother breaking them down. I see this with many of my neighbors’ overflowing recycling bins, but if they don’t bother recycling, it would explain the trash.
Seventh Sister
When my kids were smaller, there was a lot more trash, between supplies like diapers and milk and other stuff that got delivered to the house. So we definitely filled up 2 bins a week.
Now I try to be assiduous about recycling, but we reliably fill up at least one garbage bin and often 1.5-2 (we got two from the city). Some of it is not breaking down stuff, but a good bit of it is that I’m the only adult (out of three) that packs down the trash. The housekeeper doesn’t bother and neither does my spouse (who could fill up a can with two takeout containers and a napkin I swear). Neither is great about recycling either – my spouse is wildly optimistic about what can be recycled and my housekeeper just defaults to “it’s trash.” We have a green bin for lawn stuff and compost, but I haven’t really bothered to figure out what counts as compost.
Anon
Is it a green bin from the city? Literally every scrap of food, bones, and dryer lint. If it’s for your yard you will want to omit meat and dairy.
anon
When we threw away a lot…. it was medical waste/supplies/packaging.
When you are sick, a lot of things are beyond your control.
When you have some chronic diseases…. you…. just have no idea what people are dealing with.
Anon
When I was caring for a dying family member at home, the visiting nurses threw away everything, every visit. Did I fish those surgical scissors they had only used to cut adhesive out of the trash every time? Yes, I did. What do I open UPS packages with now, more than a decade later? Surgical scissors. They’re in every drawer.
Anonymous
My husband takes Humira and it arrives in a big cooler each week, so that takes a bunch of space. I had cancer and am on a powdered drink diet that comes in big jugs. The boxes from shipping and jugs take up a half can there. I also spread garbage across cans to avoid it getting too heavy. I hope my neighbors aren’t judging us like this.
Anonymous
I am in the market for fun non prescription eyeglasses for fashion purposes. I’m being targeted by seemingly endless companies that sell glasses direct to consumers. Anyone have a brand they like?
Anon
Honestly I go for whatever is on the rack at Ulta for this.
brokentoe
Eyebobs
Anonymous
OJ’s Bruno Magli’s may have been ugly-a$$ shoes, but the ones I bought were beautiful, very comfortable, and extremely well made. it’s been a while, but I loved those shoes (bought at a discount).
Mantra Magic
I’d love some fiction or biography reading recommendations that are not romances or mystery/crime books. I’m looking for something to take my mind away from heavy stuff and this community always has great recommendations. Thanks in advance!
Anon
One of the best books I read this year was River of Doubt by Candice Millard. It’s not super “light,” but also not super heavy and it’s SO engaging.
Anne-on
Are you looking for literary fiction or lighter stuff? On the literary fiction side I’d suggest the Lincoln Highway, Tom Lake, Lady Tan’s Circle of Women, and The Great Transition. I really enjoyed Killers of a Certain Age (super fun, not too gory) and This Time Tomorrow was fantastic but I’d avoid it if you’ve recently lost a loved one.
Vicky Austin
Second Tom Lake and This Time Tomorrow. I still think about TTT.
Anon
Favorites I read this year:
– West with Giraffes
– Covenant of Water
– The Martian AND Project Hail Mary (I’m not usually a sci-fi person but these were great!)
– Beartown trilogy (don’t start unless you have time to read all three!)
– Education of an Idealist (Samantha Power)
– Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
Explorette
Thanks for Covenant of Water, it’s now in my cart! I love that author and so glad he has a new book out. Agree with you on Project Hail Mary, that was amazing.
Anonymous
Remarkably Bright Creatures was one of my favorite books last year.
Anon
Yes! This is a warm hug of a book.
Anon
Cassidy Hutchinson, “Enough.” I bought it as an easy read (and it is), but the way she describes her slow realization is very moving.
Anon
In the middle of Ann Patchett Run on audio, and I just finished a book of her essays, “These Precious Days.” I highly recommend the latter. I’m only 1/3 into Run and it’s very good. I don’t know whether it turns into a mystery or romance, but it seems unlikely at this point.
Anon
Some fiction faves from this year that I think are not too heavy:
-Tom Lake by Ann Patchett (it includes the pandemic, but not in a dark way)
-Pineapple Street by Jenny Jackson
-Circe by Madeline Miller
-Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld (arguably romance, but to me it’s more fiction with a romance in it than a “romance novel”)
I haven’t read their stuff this year but would also look at the work of Taylor Jenkins Reid, Liane Moriarty and Emma Straub – all of them have several novels that should fit the bill.
For non-fiction, the Oppenheimer bio is good if you liked the movie and I loved Black Edge about Wall Street financial fraud. Watergate: A New History and The Exceptions: Nancy Hopkins, MIT and the Fight for Women in Science were also good.
Anonymous
Thats when I turn to rereading all my Terry Pratchett collection.
No Face
I really enjoyed both The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and Daisy Jones & the Six by the same author. I also liked “No Two Persons.”
Explorette
I’m all in on Kate Quinn right now. Really well researched books that have powerful women main characters. Others to consider:
-People of the Book
-This Tender Land
-Cloud Cuckcoo Land
Senior Attorney
I just finished Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson and I loved it. This year I’ve also enjoyed The Queen’s Thief collection by Megan Whalen Turner. And believe it or not, Jessica Simpson’s autobiography, Open Book, was terrific.
Anon
Has anyone else listened to the I Will Teach You To Be Rich (blech, hate the name) podcast episode with the couple that is $500k in debt, and the wife didn’t realize how bad things were? Whoa Nelly! It’s amazing how much money people can put on credit cards! I’d love to hear what other people thought of it.
Anon
Wow. Does that include a mortgage? It can’t be possible to have $500k in credit card debt, can it??
Anon
Oh it definitely can. My ex-Bf’s family had millions in CC debt.
Anon
Millions? I didn’t even know that was possible! Who was extending this much unsecured credit??
Anon
They just had tons of cards and would only make the minimum payments, so they weren’t technically delinquent. They had a high household income ($500k+ some years, and this was more than a decade ago) so I think part of it was that they could get a lot of cards because it seemed like they had so much money. It was a mess!
Anon
This makes me feel better about my very stubbornly persistent $5k in credit card debt.
Senior Attorney
Update: It does include the mortgage. Still pretty horrifying, though. The husband just ran up all the debt being a people-pleser for the whole family, and the wife just closed her eyes to everything financial for 18 years.
Senior Attorney
Dang! I know what I’ll be listening to on my walk this afternoon…
Anon
Paging Schwarzkopf user from this morning: which line do you use?
Anon
Keratin Color, they always have my color in stock at my neighborhood Walgreens.
Cat
From the post: “Patent leather shoes can be a bit controversial for the office”
Does anyone agree with this? I’ve been wearing patent leather to the office, incl. conservative Biglaw, since I started working in the 2000’s. Do others think it’s a “know your office” material??
Sure I wouldn’t wear neon patent, but I also wouldn’t wear neon non-patent…
AIMS
I worked with one very quirky person who insisted that you couldn’t wear patent leather outside of warm weather months and I did always feel like she judged my black patent leather wedges when she saw them in, say, January but other than that, I can’t imagine anyone caring. These shoes aren’t my particular cup of tea and I think they’d be better with pants or a longer dress/skirts vs. something knee length but that’s more a matter of aesthetics.
Anon
No, I think there’s some old rule about what season patent leather can be worn in, and I have personal opinions about what it looks good with (not black tights. Again, personal opinion) but it’s hardly “controversial.”
Anon
lol, no way. I assume any office where basic patent is a no-no would also require women to wear nylons….
Anonymous
I think Kat might be mistaken here. My family is as pearl-clutchy, WASPy, Cotillion-for-all-the-cousins as you can imagine. I even had a collection of etiquette books as a teen because I became the Cotillion assistant in high school! (Yes, super cool in case you’re wondering.) I have never, ever heard that there is even a whisper of controversy around patent leather shoes.
Historically, one wore suede in winter and patent leather in the summer – perhaps that’s what Kat’s thinking of? One branch of my family all worked in the leather industry, and I read in a local history book about their town that there were industrial reasons for the calendar rules. The early chemicals/procedures used in tanning the hides and processing them meant that new shoes in one material were available in the summer, the other in the winter. If I recall, I believe there was some fire or explosion risk for one of the chemicals if used in weather that was too hot/cold? (And to me, suede has always seemed like it should be a summer material since water ruins it, but I’m not from the Department of Unsafe Industrial Practices.) But I’ve never seen this explanation elsewhere, but neither have I seen any other rationale for the old rule 🤷🏻♀️ But I certainly grew up hearing that One Does Not Wear Suede in Warm Weather.
Fun fact while we’re on the subject – Guess what they used to use to get the flesh off the hide? Old urine. The poorest people would sell their urine to the tannery for (tiny amounts of change) because the tannery needed literal vats of it. My ancestor started out as the one scraping the bits off the urine-soaked hides.
Anon
You went from cotillion expert to urine expert pretty quicky there – wild ride!
Anon
I always thought the texture of suede was like velvet and therefore a winter item. But I agree it’s impractical in winter (and basically all year round).
Formerly Lilly
They can pry my burgundy patent pointed toe, block heel sling back pumps off my cold dead feet, if they dare. As the person who wears them unironically with twinsets and pearls, I’m far, far closer to staid than controversial.
Anon
When my mom was growing up she was told to never step over a puddle in a skirt because boys would look at her underwear. Could that be what makes patent “controversial” for the workplace?
Kat G
I feel like readers in the past insisted it was controversial when I made more picks that included it… I’ve definitely heard the seasonal thing, and people often really hate patent heels in roundups for interview shoes or nude-for-you shoes.
Anonymous
Those of you with headaches and migraines – what is your favorite form of relief that isn’t a NSAID like ibuprofin or aspirin? Trying to avoid NSAIDs right now… thx!
Carrots
a cup of coffee, then a hot shower (like hot, not warm) in a dark bathroom with a container of ice cold water that I’ll drink from occasionally, and then occasionally a nap.
Anon
Coffee.
Anon
Dark room with sunglasses and not doing anything or checking my phone.
Anon
Triptans.
Anon
A heating pad, stretching on my foam roller, and a nap (and m*graine preventatives).
Anon
Tylenol helps me a lot. Also second coffee and lying down in a dark room.
Anne-on
Cold fountain coke with crushed ice, McDonalds fries, and then laying down in a dark room with an ice roller/ice pack for my eyes.
Anon
Oh yeah, Mc Donald’s full sugar Coca Cola and fries are for sure a headache cure. I can’t go get them if I have a true migraine (can’t drive with my aura) but for a headache or a hangover, they’re magic.
McDonald’s Coca Cola is better than anyone else’s. I’ve read articles about it! They have higher standards about syrup to carbonated water ratios, higher standards about temperature, etc.
Anonymous
Caffeine, bubbly water (plain makes me nauseous when i’m migrainy), low contrast room (I can take a certain amount of brightness as long as there are no bright spots, dark room with a bright line at the curtains is worse than a medium brightness room), warm and cold to alternate on neck and shoulders, and a podcast on so I don’t get bored and pull out a screen or book despite myself. Something special to eat seems to help too, but thats probably just the mental boost I get from indulging my chocolate tooth.
Anonymous
Caffeine.
Lying down in a dark room as soon as possible.
Horse Crazy
Triptans and darkness.
Anon
This helps me a lot. If I really need to pull out all the stops, then a hot bath with this on your head (plus some caffeine) can really help:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=theraice+headache+relief+hat&hvadid=580642701349&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9007217&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=9084810116929281381&hvtargid=kwd-1230953940426&hydadcr=25973_13487811&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_6pf32b2b1g_e
Anon
Has anyone here sent kids to the Mountain School? My middle school daughter is really interested. She wouldn’t even apply for another couple years, so things could change, but I’m starting to gather info.
anon
My first husband had gone there and he still talked about it all the time at the age of 35.
anon
Also, if that’s the sort of thing that appeals to her, I encourage her to check out the Student Conservation Association’s high school summer work crew programs. I did one between 9th and 10th grade and it was life-changing (literally – I later did conservation work all over the world, and became a natural resources lawyer).
Anon
Thanks! I will look into that too.
If you don’t mind me asking, was your first husband from a rich, prep school sort of background? My daughter has had a very comfortable upbringing, but she’s in public school in a small Midwest city, and if this is mostly super wealthy New England prep school kids (which is my impression – I could be wrong…) I’m not sure it’s going to be a good fit socially.
Anon
What/where is that?
Anon
It’s a one semester residential high school program on a working farm in Vermont run by Milton Academy, a prep school in Massachusetts. https://www.mountainschool.org/
It mixes honors level coursework with a lot of outdoor activities and manual labor taking care of the farm. It’s very tiny, only 45 kids at a time, and they say that alumni mostly go to selective private colleges. It sounds cool in theory, but I really don’t know that much about it beyond what’s on their web page, and I don’t have a good sense of whether the kids are self-motivated or just have rich parents who want to bolster their college resumes. We will go visit in person if she applies, but I figured some people here might be alums or have kids who went.
ALT
What does one wear to be festive for holiday parties while in a walking cast? I was just put in one today and all of my festive/dressy outfits require heels which are now out.
Any ideas? Thanks!
Anon
Earrings. Big sparkly earrings. Target has plenty of holiday themed options.
Anonymous
Speaking of Target, I got some stretchy velvet pants there that I wore with a turtleneck for Thanksgiving and they were super cute. With a walking cast, I would definitely want to skew comfy.
Anonymous
Cute, sparkly or silver sneakers?
Senior Attorney
This. Everybody will understand pretty much any footwear choice with your regular festive outfits.
Anon
What you don’t want to do is go out and buy shoes that you’ll never wear again post-boot.
Anon
I disagree. I am just out of a boot – I was 4 weeks in, 2 weeks out, and 4 weeks back in. I wore out a left shoe during this time and the right shoe from the pair is pretty much pristine. They are no longer good to wear as a pair. I need to find someone wearing a boot on their left to give the right shoe to.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, when I had Das Boot, I had to go out and buy shoes that were the right height so I wouldn’t be lopsided.
anon
I mean, unless your outfits are literal gowns hemmed for heels, I think any normal festive/dressy outfit is appropriate with a walking cast and literally any other shoe. If you want to go the extra mile you can try to find a dressier flat/sneaker/etc. and/or decorate the cast, but I don’t think that is necessary at all.
Anon
Decorate the boot. Why not!